Draco's Final Fantasy: The Henry Within
by Random Ronneh
Summary: The tale of Draco and Henry the Hampster, THe end will leave you hanging... Written by me and my little brother (He wrote the Oompa-Loompa song and had some Ideas.) One Chapter. Humorous, PG-13 for vulgar. RR


Draco's FINAL FANTASY I : The Henry Within  
  
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Draco gets a Hampster named Henry for Christmas, which causes all hell to break loose.  
  
Harry Potter with Mr. Deeds/ The Green Mile/ The Ring/ Dude! Where's My Car?/ Urban Legends/ Tommy Boy/ Willy Wonka/ Happy Gilmore scenes included   
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
EEK! EEK!  
  
Draco woke up immediately, jumping three feet into the air.  
  
"What the hell is that?" yelped Draco, barelyheard under the sharp EEEK!s and the other 5th year Slytherin boys.  
  
"What's going on?" asked Crabbe, covering his ears.  
  
Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle peered into a small cage found at the foot of Draco's bed.  
  
"What is that?" asked Goyle.  
  
"A hampster, you fucking moron," said Draco, "How do you get it to stop crying?"  
  
Crabbe went to fill up the water dish, and Draco read the tag on the cage-  
  
"To Draco, This was your fathers when he was a boy. Use it wisely," said Draco, "Who sent it?"  
  
"I bet it was Snape," said Crabbe, "I mean, he was sick last week, he could've wen't to Diagon Alley and bought it for you."  
  
"Snape dosen't have this kind of money," said Draco, petting his hampster, "I think I'll name him...er...Henry. Yes Henry."  
  
"How about Horace?" asked Goyle.  
  
"Why not Henry?" asked Draco.  
  
"He could be a Horace," said Crabbe.  
  
"He could be a Henry," said Draco.  
  
"Could be," said Goyle.  
  
"I know another guy named Henry in Ravenclaw," said Crabbe, "Want me to go and fetch him?"  
  
"Shut up, you numbskulls," said Draco, "He's mine, and he's Henry."  
  
"I still think he looks like a Horace," Goyle mumbled.  
  
"What was that, Goyle?" asked Draco, menacingly.  
  
"Er...I have a stomachache, I shall go and see the nurse's assistant.....er........Boris," said Goyle, hoping Draco wouldn't see through his lie and unleash the everlasting pain of his torturing devices.  
  
"There's a kid named Boris in this school, is there?" drawled Draco, then he changed his voice to a high pitched squeal/giggle, "Funny name."  
  
Draco turned his attention to Henry, who was now performing flips in his cage. Draco knew that his mouse and him would become great freinds.  
  
"He's gonna be a circus hampster," said Draco.  
  
RIINNNNGGGG!  
  
"What was that noise?" asked Draco, scared.  
  
"This," said Crabbe, "I stole it from a muggle girl on my way to Hogwarts."  
  
"Is that a.....Tellymaphone?" asked Draco, "I remember how to use one of these when I worked down at Burger King. I accidentally shot a nail in his head when he was devising a plan to make Hampsta-Burga's, or whatever He calls it."  
  
Crabbe handed Draco the telephone, Draco answered it and asked, "Hello?"  
  
"Henry has 7 days," said the drawling voice of a person Draco thought was utterly familiar.   
  
"7 days 'til what?" asked Draco into a vast ear-splitting tone, "What's that noise?"  
  
Draco hung up the phone and threw it out of the window.  
  
"What... did it say?" asked Goyle.  
  
"I thought you went to the Hospital Wing? Nevermind that," said Draco, "He said Henry had seven days."  
  
"Seven days 'til what?" asked Crabbe.  
  
"No Idea," Draco replied.  
  
"Well, me and Crabbe are going to get some food from the kitchens," said Goyle, leaving the dormitory.  
  
Draco gathered his hampster into his hands, and decided to take Henry for a walk. He walked out to the grounds, and ran into Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and the filthy Mudblood.  
  
"If it isn't Potty and the Weasel," drawled Draco, catching them off guard.  
  
"Chug slime, Malfoy," retorted Harry, "Leave us alone."  
  
"The Weasle probably chugs on your orgasmic fluids," Draco said, then added, "Everyday."  
  
"I'LL GET YOU!"" screamed Ron, and lunged at Malfoy. Ron couldn't get close enough to Malfoy to land any good punches, because one second he was in the air, flying toward Malfoy, and the next He was sprawled out onto the ground, being smothered by a demented hampster.  
  
"Come back, Henry," said Draco, before Henry managed to kill Ron, then walked away, "We're going to get along very well," Draco whispered to his new freind.  
  
"You'll pay for this Malfoy," yelled Harry, picking up Ron.  
  
Draco just walked away. He walked all the way to the Great Hall, with a broad grin on his face.  
  
At the Slytherin table, Crabbe asked Draco, "What's with that grin on your face? Haven't been touching Pansy's Hoo-Hoo's have you?" said Crabbe.  
  
Draco started to tell Crabbe and Goyle what happened, but was interupted by Goyle twitching violently, and speaking in a weird, hushed voice, to a hot wing, "I like to touch it, I like to squeeze it, I like to feel it, I like to sleep on it, cause it's my pillow," Goyle was acting of a true retard, but it could've been a trance- a real one, "BUT NOW I GONNA HAVE TO EEEEEAT it. Oh yeah, also the....most....loyal...oh, yes, the loyalest of them all, sevant......will.....redeem himself...to....the....hampster."  
  
Goyles head flapped to the side, and was jerked up again and Goyle whispered, "I must have dozed off, dear me!"  
  
"You're a freaking retard, Goyle," said Draco.  
  
Dumbledore took stand on a podium. "Welcome to our Christmas Feast, I have nothing much to say, except that If you drink Pumpkin Juice mixed with Fizzing Whizbee, you will die a long and painful death. Good Feast."  
  
Goyle gulped, He had just took a swig of Pumpkin Juice mixed with a Fizzing Whizbee. His mouth began to gurgle, and He jumped up and ran toward Dumbledore, "See what will happen," I found it quite amusing when I fed it to a young Hampster crawling around school."  
  
Just then 13 garden gnomes ran into the Hall, wearing green wigs, and their skin was painted orange, they sang:  
  
"Foo fa Fo fa Kookity do  
  
This what you get when you dont listen to,  
  
The teacher the teacher and Headmaster, too.  
  
Thats what you get when you eat and drink,  
  
Fizzy whizbees and pumkin juice.  
  
When the teacher and headmaster, Dana dana dana dna  
  
Tell you not to do, but you do anyway,   
  
you want it your way, But Crabbe and Goyle don't need candyay  
  
cause!!!!!!!!  
  
They're faat, they're faat they're really, really!!!!!, FAT!  
  
When they were done singing, 5 of them struggled to carry off Goyle, then 5 more came over to almost break their legs trying to pick up crabbe and carry him out of the Hall, but they somehow managed. Draco was wondering why they had taken Crabbe, he hadn't done anything, when the two other's seized Draco, who had just had a nasty thought, and carried him out. It was one of the most memorable events of the Hogwarts school year of '95, complete with Draco yelling, and pointing at Dumbledore, "He killed my hampster! I'LL KILL HIM!"  
  
***************************************************************************************************  
  
***************************************************************************************************  
  
Draco awoke in his bed to hear a creeping noise off in the distance. Then he heard an odd "....hic.....gurgle..." noise.  
  
"Who cud B out dis late?" said Draco, then He smacked himself so He would stop talking in that foul internet language, "Who could be out this late?"  
  
Then he saw it, it was creeping onto his bed. Draco switched the sight on so fast, you couldn't say "FlambuzzleshuzzlenuzzletotheDOdoublebubble." Ok, maybe it wasn't that fast, but He did manage to turn the light on to find Henry. He was in a miserable state. His skin was torn, he had blood all over him, he was foaming at the mouth, and he had a distinct voice, "...gurgle...*hic*...gurgle..."   
  
"He's got hydrophobi!" said Draco in a hushed/redneck voice, "I got a shoot 'em, Ma."  
  
Draco was depressed to see Henry in this state, he was going insane. Then Henry passed out. Draco rushed to his aide, put his mouth over Henry's and blew air into hs lungs, then pushed onto Henry's chest, He was giving Henry Mouth-to-Mouth Rescussitation. It took 5 minutes for Henry to regain conciousness. When he did, He didn't have a scratch on him.  
  
"Oh, Henry," said Draco happily and hugging Henry with all of his might, "You're OK!"  
  
For the next 5 days, Draco and Henry became the best of freinds. They even managed to win the three-legged Freindship race in the Hogwarts Relays. Draco had never had better times. He wished it would never end. On the Friday after Monday the 13, It would all change. Draco woke up happy on that Friday.  
  
"Henry, I'm up!" He yelled for Henry to hear. No response.  
  
Draco fumbled over to Henry's nesting grounds, to find nothing. Not a clue of any thing, except for a peice of fizzing whizbee. Right then he had a revlation. Dumbledore (A.K.A. Bumble and Snore/Snitchy on the street) was at it again. Draco devised a plan...  
  
**********************  
  
HOURS BEFORE  
  
**********************  
  
Dumbledore approached Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Dean Thomas, and Seamus Finnagan, and Neville Longbottom with cases of Strong Butterbeer, Pumpkin Juice, Dr. Filibuster's No-Heat, Wet-Start fireworks, Fizzing Whizbees, eggs, and Muggle Booze.  
  
Hermione eyed the booze carefully, smiling and licking her lips, "I went to this party last summer, and I got drunk off my ass, only I think it's better mixed in my Tango."  
  
"I read about that," said Dumbledore, "Let me introduce you to my freind, Willie Nelson, He'll show you Hogwarts, no one wants to see.  
  
They spent the next four hours with Willie Nelson, getting drunk, throwing eggs at passing-by Professors and students, stuffing Fizzing Whizbees down their throats. When they were finished with all that, they went to Snape's Dungeon, douced the whole room in Pumpkin Juice and Butterbeer, and lit the whole box of fireworks in the room at one time. The room went wild, they watched in amazement.  
  
"Unbeleivable!" said Seamus.  
  
"Cool," said Dean.  
  
"'Mazing!" said Neville.  
  
"Sure is," said Willie Nelson in awe.   
  
"I remember this one time at Quidditch Camp-" said Neville, being cut-off by Willie Nelson.  
  
"Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya," sung Willie, and the others joined in.  
  
The song stopped when Hermione cut everyone off, "Man, this is a righteous moment. I'm having a revealation! Snape is.....coming."  
  
Just then Snape appeared from a corner, "What the hell is going on!?"  
  
"Nothing, young gun," said Willie Nelson, "But i have a feeling I should be gettin' on the road again."  
  
"OH NO YOU DON'T FLABBY!" yelled Snape, "You may have been slim years ago, But over the months you've put on some weight, seriously dude, watch your saturated fat."  
  
"Thanks," said Willie, "I'll keep it in my mind."  
  
Then Snape remembered they were fighting. Willie and the others ran all the way up to Dumbledore's office.  
  
"YOU COWARD!" yelled Snape after Willie.  
  
"When you gotta go," said Willie, holding his crotch, "You gotta go."  
  
"Gotta go, Gotta go, Gotta go right now," said Hermione laughing vaguely at Willie, pointing at him, drunk as ever, *Aoogh.*  
  
*Aoogh*, said Ron.  
  
*Aoogh,* followed Harry.  
  
"Quit with the chain reaction," said Willie.  
  
They got to Dumbledore's office but barely, Willie almost peed his pant's, Hermione passed out.  
  
"Welcome, freind's," said Dumbledore, looking as though he had gone through a dozen parties himself, "Have fun? What's that you got there, Neville?"  
  
"Look's like a...er.....a...." said Neville not being able to string to words together.  
  
"A hampster," said Dumbledore.  
  
"A circus hampster," said Harry vaguely.  
  
"Watch 'em!" said Neville awing at Henry's flips.  
  
"I say we give him a treat," said Dumbledore with an evil grin, "Let's let him snort some Fizzing Whizbee powder, then maybe he can wash it down with some pumpkin juice...:  
  
Just then, before Dumbledore could harm Henry, Draco emerged into the room weilding a huge, leather belt. He walked toward Dumbledore, and Dumbledore screamed, "NO DRACO NOOOO!" The screams of Dumbledore were only supressed by cracks of a belt, or was that Mt. St. Helens 8 times in a row?  
  
Dumbledore recovered from the frightening blows, he scooped up his wand, pointed it at Henry's throat, and said in an insane voice, "I'm....geting out of...here...alive,.....wether it's....with the hampster or without him,,,,,,,,,!"  
  
Just then a weird looking guy walked in the room, wired like the Energizer Bunny, speaking into a muggle cell phone, "Can you hear me now?" asked the muggle, "No, my phone is going all haywire! Bye Bye Moto!" Then He curled up and died. Draco moved toward Dumbledore, but Dumbledore said, "Any sudden moves....and He's gone."  
  
Dumbledore decided to take a run for it. He turned on his heel and ran out the door, ran down corridors. Then Draco's boss at Burger King with a nail in his head, popped out from the fireplace and yelled, running after Dumbledore, "I believe that's Mr. Malfoy's! Give it back, Snitchy!"  
  
From Dumbledores office they heard distant screams of Dumbledore in pain, "That's right hampster, you restrain him!" yelled the Boss.  
  
THey heard the sound of Dumbledore getting punched violently in the face, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Dumbledore. And then the sound stopped.  
  
"YES! Now I can have HAMPSTABURGAS!" screamed the Boss.  
  
"NOBOSSYNOOOO!" screamed Malfoy.  
  
*******************************************************  
  
TO BE CONTINUED............................................. 


End file.
